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A Foolproof Way to Make Huge Wads of Cash

by Rich Savidant, OSJ Staff | Twitter: @SavMoney1point0


This post combines three of my passions: the Ottawa Senators, conspiracy theories and degenerate gambling. I have combined these passions to create a foolproof plan for all Ottawa Senators fans to get FILTHY STINKING RICH.


We're a month into the 2019-20 NHL season and the Ottawa Senators are exactly what we thought they would be: a really bad NHL team. But not all is lost, as the organization seems to contain the building blocks for a competitive roster moving forward. Two players in particular (Brady Tkachuk and Thomas Chabot) look like they will be the core of the team for a decade. Are you with me so far? Good.

One element lacking from the organizational depth chart is an offensive game-breaker. My definition of a game-breaker is a skilled player that is a risk to score every time he steps on the ice. True game-breakers don’t come around very often. A team generally acquires game-breakers by drafting high. Really high.

Organizations draft high by being bad. Really bad.


There appear to be two game-breakers available in the upcoming June NHL Entry Draft. Alexis Lafreniere is a LW from Rimouski with dazzling skill and speed. Quinton Byfield is a massive center from Sudbury who moves well for his size and can score. Both players are putting up points at an embarrassing rate in major junior. Drafting either of these players would speed up a team’s rebuilding process. If a team were able to draft BOTH of these players, they should probably start mapping out a Stanley Cup parade route immediately following the draft.


Okay, so here is where things get interesting: The Ottawa Senators are presently dead last in the NHL standings with only 7 points after 12 games played. The San Jose Sharks are 29th overall, with only 9 points after 15 games. Both teams SUCK. The Ottawa Senators own the Sharks’ first-round pick, acquired in the Erik Karlsson trade. There is a good chance the Ottawa Senators will have a high probability of drafting first and second overall in the upcoming 2020 draft. This has never happened before. Ottawa Senators fans are excited about this possibility. I am already wondering whether D.J. Smith should play Byfield and Lafreniere on the same line or spread out the skill over two lines.


But here's the kicker: The Draft Lottery is as transparent as the sandwich I ate for lunch.


There is NO FREAKING WAY the National Hockey League wants the Ottawa Senators to draft first and second overall. It will not happen under any scenario. The NHL would rather put a franchise on Mars than see the Sens draft two franchise players back to back in the same draft. This is a scientific fact and cannot be refuted.


So my suggestion** to all Ottawa Senators fans is to do the following:

1. Withdraw your entire life savings.

2. Fly to Las Vegas immediately.

3. Rush to the nearest sportsbook.

4. Bet every penny on “Ottawa Senators and San Jose Sharks will not be selected 1-2 in Draft Lottery in any combination”.

5. Thank me later.


** Not actually suggesting this.

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