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Dear, Habs. Why Do You Tease Me?

By Waldo1947 | Montreal Canadiens Extremist


Why do you tease me, Habs?


Ever break-up with a girl after a tumultuous relationship because the emotional pain she put you through was too much? Sure you had some wild times, but the drama was too much and you had to end it. You were fooling yourself into thinking she was the one. 


Six months later, you decide to put your heart back out there and look for someone new. You have a couple of drinks (for courage) and hit the dance floor at a club one night, looking for companionship, only to bump into your ex-girlfriend. “Dammit, I know I dumped her and I've never been happier, but man she looks great!”, you think. Her perfume jams your senses and all of a sudden you are telling her that you made a grave mistake, your life has been terrible without her, and you promise to never hurt her again. It goes amazing for 3 weeks. You look forward to seeing her every other night. Sometimes she wants to see you at 3:00 in the afternoon, but you don’t care. Other people are telling you how great you look together and that you were stupid to break up with her in the first place. You are even willing to listen to two of the most heinous voices in the background describe her as you watch her (seriously, are Jim Hughson and Craig Simpson not annoying?)


And then reality sets in. Her annoying habits start to fester and you're right back where you were 6 months ago: sitting in front of your laptop, writing a bush-league blog that even your mother can no longer find something positive to say about. Sure your godfather says he enjoys your blog, but he’s a Bruins fan - what the hell does he know? 


The Habs are that ex-girlfriend that you thought you were over. The Covid shutdown helped us forget about them. Then the NHL let 24 teams in the playoffs. Then the Habs beat Pittsburgh! Then they outplayed the Flyers almost the whole series. And then reality set in.


The Habs played with our heartstrings this August much in the same way that Gordon Lightfoot tickles his guitar strings. The only difference, of course, is that Gordon Lightfoot will always be a Canadian Legend and the Habs were once Legendary in Canada.


GLASS HAB-EMPTY


The Habs lack consistent scoring and size at the forward position. The power play showed some signs of life against Philadelphia but, overall, it failed when the Habs really needed a goal. Drouin seemed to have some chemistry going with Suzuki, but other than a few nice assists, his game was nowhere to be found.


Speaking of nowhere to be found, has anyone seen or heard from Max Domi? I went to get the mail the other day and below all the missing cat posters taped to the mailbox, I saw this flyer:


HAVE YOU SEEN THIS HOCKEY PLAYER?

- HE GOES BY THE NAME MAX.  - HE THINKS HE’S BETTER THAN HE IS.  - HE TAKES STUPID PENALTIES AT THE WORST TIMES. - HE WANTS THE GLORY, BUT WON’T GRIND FOR IT.  IF FOUND, PLEASE DO NOT TELL MARC BERGEVIN. THE HABS ARE BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM IF HE IS GOING TO PLAY LIKE THAT IN THE PLAYOFFS.


As an aside, you do not hang up cat posters. I think Fred Penner said it best: “The cat came back the very next day, the cat came back, we thought he was a goner”. Of course, if your cat did not come back the next day, he’s a goner. A poster will not revive your cat from the dead, nor will it wake-up Max Domi.


GLASS HAB-FULL


- Nick Suzuki is going to be something! He was everywhere, every night. He kills penalties, wins draws and elevates those around him. Marc Bergevin deserves credit for that acquisition.

- Carey Price was amazing! If he could get his teammates to stop tipping shots past him, he might have stolen this series too. (Seriously, get the hell out of the way and let him stop it!)

- Jesperi Kotkaniemi became a man in the last 6 months. He seemed to be fueled by the demotion to the AHL and played very inspired hockey. He was hitting and showed a ton of grit.

- Jeff Petry is a ton of fun to watch. I love when he is carrying the puck. That OT winner versus Pittsburgh was just delicious. Once again, Marc Bergevin deserves credit for that acquisition.

- The Shea Weber-PK Subban trade? That debate is over. Once again, Marc Bergevin deserves credit for that acquisition.

- Brendan Gallagher, when not having his jaw caved in, he has proven he can be counted on no matter the situation. No one works harder than him. (Does the NHL really care about headshots? One game for a jaw-breaking crosscheck? Give me a break!)

- The Habs were faster than Pittsburgh and Philadelphia and were able to stifle the top-end players on both teams.


Just like the ex-girlfriend that should have stayed “ex”, the Habs once again lured us in under false pretenses, the influence of alcohol, and high-end perfume. I’m going to do the honourable thing and dump them for good…


… that is unless I see them again in - oh, I don’t know - 6 months? I bet they will be looking and smelling good then!


Waldo1947


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